Why God won't let me quit...

I'm writing to share our story and today I have so much to share with ya'll. It's been a few months since I wrote anything and so much has happened on our journey. First, I want everyone to know (because I get asked this often) that yes, I am scared to death about what's ahead. I truly am. Becoming a Foster parent has never been a part of MY plan and until 7 months ago, it wasn't even on my radar. I still can't believe we are here, but as of last week, we got our official letter from the Department of Children Services and we are now licensed foster parents!!!! I saw that letter and I was full of excitement. I began to picture the baby or toddler I will get to love and take care of. The possibility of sleepless nights, diapers, temper tantrums, behaviors and so many other unknowns. That's the hardest part about this process. The most frequent question I get is, "Why don't you just adopt?". I wish I could answer that. If you've followed my blog, you know that this is all God's work. Trust me, it isn't because I decided to become a foster parent. The question of why we don't just adopt isn't one I can answer. But....let me back up to last week because I want take a moment and focus on God's love, grace and commitment to His children. Last week I was imagining our journey ahead and the truth is, I got scared. I know that's natural and expected, but it came at me pretty hard. My greatest fear in this entire journey has been whether or not I'm in God's will. I continue to pray and ask for God's guidance, but I'll be completely open here-I question every step I make and it's hard for me to know I didn't misinterpret God and His plan. So, last week I sat and prayed. I felt like that was the only thing I could do since fear was setting in and I was wanting to quit. That's so hard for me to share because I'm not a quitter. I finish what I start and I rarely give into my fears, but this was different. Following God's plan is so much more difficult than following "MY" plan. When we follow God we have to let go of what makes sense to us, we have to trust what's ahead with faith and we have to put our plans to the side and know God's hands will unfold His plan. I'm such a control freak, ya'll!!! This is all so hard!!! Okay, back to my story. So, I prayed to God and felt I needed to ask Him to show me I'm on the right path. God has done that before I truly believe God know's our hearts and He will give us what we need, when we need it. That day, I needed Him. I knew if I didn't shift this feeling in my soul, then we may need to put this entire foster parenting journey on hold. So I prayed to my Father and I asked Him to please show me I was in His will. I ended my prayer and went along with my day. Let's see what God had in store. Amelia Rose and I spent the morning together and headed to the gym. We ran a few errands and then headed home to check on the animals and have some lunch. At this point in the day, the fact I had asked for God to show me we are on the right path wasn't even on my mind. The daily tasks had overtaken my thoughts and I was enjoying the day with my daughter. It was early afternoon when I received a facebook message from a friend. I saw it and was intrigued because this sweet friend of mine has the most beautiful story of God's work in her life and she inspires me. I immediately had to know what she sent. I opened the message that read, "This was such a good read and I just thought about you on your journey". Simple and yet so heart felt. It always touches my heart when someone takes the time to send a thoughtful message, story or prayer for us. Below her message was a link to a woman's blog about her journey as a foster parent. I read the blog and felt encouraged! Even though it was full of hardships, it was a beautiful story of a foster mom and her love. After I read it, I messaged my friend, thanked her and shared with her that I had prayed for a sign. It hit me as I was reading the blog that this was my sign (at least I hoped it was-I swear, I need a sign that this is my sign! HA!). She quickly messaged me back and this is what it said... "Well you also need to know...this came to me in the oddest of ways. A stranger texted me this and wanted writing advice for making this into a book. I thought it was someone I knew, until our last text, when I realized I have no idea how she got my phone number or found me. I think it was alllllll for YOU! #glory He is with you! He's so amazing". Hmmmm.....try to convince me that God wasn't all over that and I'm sorry, but you just can't. Just WOW!!! As you can see, God won't let me quit. He knows what's ahead and I have complete peace and comfort in knowing He has known this is where I would end up all along. Our DCS case worker comes next week and then we await our first placement. Keep us in your prayers!!! It's gettin' real, ya'll!!! The good news is.....God knows what tomorrow brings and what the future holds. I can't wait to see what happens next ;)