God's Rejoinder?

Here we are! 2017 brought in a New Year and all kinds of New Blessings. Quick update: Russell and I are taking this month off from fertility treatments and just relaxing. It's my birthday month and I'm so excited to be going on a cruise with one of my best friends in a few weeks (YAY!!). I SO need this!! Okay, I have some wonderful NEWS to share. I've been talking with one of my best friends, Maria (pictured with me below) and we have both done our research on a program called Foster to Adopt. I'll be honest, I never thought adoption was for us. I've always felt compelled to have my own family, my own bloodline, my own child. God has recently shifted my heart and opened my mind to a reality. If they are adopted by me, they are mine. They are part of our family. That's all that matters. We get to expand our family and a child who needs a home, gets a home. The amount of love we have to give continues to grow and I can't imagine a bigger blessing than to share it with a child who simply wants a forever family. How is it that God loves me this much? That He places people in my life at the right time, He is always with me and He never fails me. No matter what.

So, I keep wondering, how did I get here? What happened to change my heart? When did it happen? Let me give ya'll some answers I've found. The answer is...I don't know. I truly don't know what the difference is. It's not like I had some dramatic life event or huge "Aha" moment. The reality is, God's been working in me. He sees what I don't and He is giving me clarity in this. Maria told me about this program weeks ago and I thought, "Well, maybe we will try". I did the application online and moved on to celebrate the holidays. I went through the days, but questions continued to creep in my head. Could I love this baby as my own? Could I go through this process and open myself up to a child I didn't birth? The answer keeps coming back as a very clear and strong, "YES!". Yes, I can. Maria and I talked last night and we are both SO ready to get started and meet our baby/child God has waiting for us. We get to go through this together. I can look back now and see God's plan unfolding throughout this journey. I praise God for giving me the open heart to accept His will. I'm so scared, but also so hopeful.

Russell and I still plan to continue IUI a few more times. My only reason is to have no regrets. I have to know we have done all we can do. Once God gives me that clarity, I can move on. For now, I am focusing on the blessings we have. The truth is, last night was the first night in 2+ years that I went to bed knowing, God's answering us. We have a way to complete our family. It doesn't look like the vision I had in my head....it doesn't include God answering me the way I prayed for...but it does include God answering. I know there will be challenges and questions. Difficult questions that will be hard to answer. The most important fact is that I can tell our child we prayed for them. I can let them know we are their parents, we always will be and they are a gift from God.

Here we go. It will take 4-8 months to get our fostering license and go through all the training. I will keep you updated on our journey. God's plan will be revealed and we are looking forward to more answers. To all my friends struggling with waiting on God's answers, I hear you. I love you. I know the pain. Adoption isn't for everyone, fertility treatments aren't for everyone. You must rely on your heart and God to lead you through this. Every journey is different. This is mine-God bless.